Journal #9 Uncle Rico

My wife and Daughters love to call me uncle Rico. They think it is so funny. I really don't talk about my high school days that much, but I will admit, I loved my time in high school. I was a screw up for sure in high school. I didn't live up to my potential in any way, in sports or academically. I think I had the wrong impression of what I was there for. I was into having fun and that is what I did, I had a lot of fun. I got away with a lot and I think that set me up for a tough life. I shouldn't of graduated, but some of the teacher's loved me enough to give me some credits the last week of school to allow me to graduate. It was that close. In my senior English class the teacher was a man who fancied himself hip and cool. I never knew why but he never tested me or had any sort of confrontation with me. We were friends from the first day. Every Friday in his class we took a spelling and vocabulary test. 15 words that we were to have studied during the week. Every Friday I went to the front of the room and gave the test and read the definitions while the students corrected each others papers. I got 100% on every test, I still barely passed the class. I thought he was so cool. I thought he just liked me. I have thought about that over the years, a lot. He was prepared for me. He had heard about some of my run-ins with other teachers and he just figured he would control me. He did. He knew I would bomb the class even with all the advantages he gave me. I was only in class about half of the time, he probably made fun of me to the other students when I wasn't there. I am only now realizing how stupid I really was. Like in health class when the teacher announced, "Next time a police officer will be speaking to us about illegal drugs and bringing some samples from busts in to show us. Please be on your best behavior". I was sure to come in stoned out of my mind and just stinking bad of pot. I don't know why I did that, I thought it was cool. It wasnt, it was stupid, I could have gotten arrested. The cop was an undercover officer and he knew I was high. He even used me as an example. I didn't care. I just figured I would graduate, go to college, and get a good job. Actually, I thought I would be playing college or even pro ball. Not like that, but I didn't realize that. Everything was easy. Life was easy.
One time I was talking to another student at my school who also happened to live in my neighborhood. I can't remember what we were talking about, but I always think about something he said to me. He said "You are so lucky, it's like everything you touch turns to gold". I didn't really know what he meant. I think about that a lot. Sometimes I look at people and think, "man, they really have it together, I wish I had their life". However, I am sure they have their problems. Just like I had mine when that classmate said that to me. I am not sure why I have always remembered that, it just stuck with me. Not really as a compliment, I think about it more like that kid had no idea what my life is about. Even in high school when everything was easy, I still had worries. Mostly about passing my classes and graduating. I know I could have done a lot better I guess I was just too lazy and now I am paying the price. I am an electrician instead of a Lawyer. I took that gold and turned it into shit. I know people can be happy as electricians and plumbers it's all about what expectations you have for yourself. I never thought of myself as a guy who would work with his hands. I know I wasn't born to be an electrician, I am not really talented at it. I think I was just smart enough to be able to learn it. Some guys in the trade are passionate about it, they love being electricians. I don't, I do it to pay the bills. I thought I would be something better, make more money, hire electricians and guys like that. I didn't realize until it was too late that you had to work for it. Some people learn early on. I think those are the people that are successful. They start out with a purpose. If it is sports they want to do, they focus and get the most out of their talent. They get good grades in high school so that a college will want them. Nothing is easy. I looked around and saw all these people I knew getting all these things and accomplishing all these things and I think I thought it just happened for them. I didn't think about the fact that they worked really hard for something and made it happen. Good things don't just happen to people, people usually make good things happen for themselves. By the time I realized that I was already on the wrong track and it's hard to get off it. Now I have a giant struggle just to get on the right track let alone making a success of myself. Sounds kind of daunting, maybe I should just continue to be Uncle Rico, he is really funny and he can sure throw a piece of steak. It was awesome how he hit Napoleon right in the face while he was riding his bike with Pedro on the back. I had a good day this week, it was either Monday or Tuesday, I can't remember for sure. I know that everything felt like it was going to work out. I realize that my blog sounds like I am always down but that is not the truth. I think I am a lot more fun than I am probably being portrayed in this blog. I don't know why, but for some reason I only write the bleak stuff or bad stuff in here. The next time I have a good day I am really going to try to write in here so you can tell that I am not a despressing person. I'm not like that all the time. It has been good to get all this out however. The good day was a product of my thinking I had landed the job to replace my old job. It all crashed down on Friday. The offer was low, the offer did not include any insurance at all. He said perhaps he could give me some money to get my own insurance. I didn't tell him that any insurance company would just laugh at me if I tried to get insured not as part of a group plan. The offer also was for me to be in a truck full-time generating income. He wanted me to produce $1,200.00 per day in income for the company and he would pay me $19.50 per hour. I would also be paid 1% on all income I brought in over $1,000.00 per day. So if I made $1,100.00 in any particular day, I would make the normal $19.50 for my hours, plus I would make 1% of the $100.00 that I was over the $1,000 mark. What is that like a dollar? I was crushed. It was nice to be wanted, they really wanted me. I told him I would think about it. As I was leaving, I think he sensed I wasn't real happy, he said "Sam, nothing is written in stone, I am not a closed book. Let's work something out, you don't need to go interview with any other companies. You have a job here." I had told them I had a couple other interviews in the near future. That really did make him nervous. I just don't think that will pay the bills. I almost feel like if I am going to make $1000 a day, I would rather make it for myself. I do have another contractor putting a lot of pressure on me to start my own company. The more I talk to these electrical companies the more serious I think about it. I am stressed, can I do it? I failed last time. I have learned a lot since then and I think I could get the work. If I am going to work my ass off in the field, why not make the money myself? Why should I continue to make someone else money. Maybe if he made me a promise that eventually he would move me into the office and into the position I held with Captain Elec. it would be worth it. Help. Please tell me what you think.
peace.