Crash and Burn (cont 3)

It was a long, sleepless night. I was worried about all kinds of things. What was this place going to be like? Am I tough enough to handle to other patients? Am I tough enough to handle getting clean? Do I have enough stuff to get me to California? I was going down there with about thirty dollars in my wallet, enough pills to last until about 4 p.m. and one can of chewing tobacco. I had used chewing tobacco off and on for the last four or five years but over the last year I had been using chew to help with the withdrawal symptoms. It seemed to help a little.
My parents woke me up early and we left for the airport. My mom was a mess. I think she thought that I was in the drug scene a lot deeper than I was. She kept asking me stuff like "Is someone going to stick a gun in your face and kill you if you don't give them money?" Stuff Like that. She was really worried. I think she thought this was my last chance at living a normal life. I believe that my getting divorced was actually a good thing in a way to her. It would be easier for me to just take care of myself. Just send a check to my family and try to take care of myself when I got home. Her plan was for me to stay at the rehab and work there for a couple of years after graduation. They offer that as an option to all students for as long as they want. When I left my plan was to get done and get home just as fast as I could.
I remember getting high on the plane once. I landed at John Wayne airport in Southern California. As I walked along the upper corridor I looked down the escalator and saw a man holding a sign with my name on it. I went down the stairs and walked right past him and out the front doors. I had no plan but I had some freedom. Then reality set in. What the hell was I going to do. I didn't know if I had the hustle to make it on the streets of LA by myself with no money and a raging addiction. so I went back and told the guy who I was. He knew exactly what had just happened.
His name was Ed. He was the Detox director at Narconon Southern California. He took me to Carls Jr. for what he called my "Last meal". It was just he and I. We were driving in a big, white fourteen passenger van. Ed was a pretty cool guy. He had been a tweaker for about eight years and was into stealing large equipment. Equipment like backhoes, trackhoes stuff like that. He would load one up in the middle of the night for a guy and make enough to buy his shit for a month. easy money until he got popped. He ended up at Narconon, the best thing that ever happened to him blah blah blah. Next he drove me to the worst looking hospital I had ever seen. It reminded me of a disgusting little motel that $50 hookers would take their clients.
Ed escorted me into the lobby. Luckily for Ed he knew spanish because that was the only way to communicate in this hospital. Ed seemed to know the intake nurse pretty well. They kept laughing about stuff and it made me more and more self conscious. I had no Idea what they were talking about or what I was getting into. Ed came back over to me and asked me if I needed anything. Then we sat down on the dingy old sofa. He said that he would take my bag from there over to the house but I would be staying here for three or four days. I must have looked real nervous despite trying to look cool because Ed kept reassuring me that everything was ok. "The the doctors here are great", he kept telling me. He promised me that the doctors had seen many patients a lot worse off than I was. He asked me if I had anything hidden in my bag and please tell him because they would be searching it anyway. He then wished me luck and left. That was it, he left. I wanted to go home so bad.
After Ed left I waited about fifteen minutes until the male nurse took me back to see the doctor. I was actually planning my escape. Where would I go? What would I do? I would need drugs in about three hours. I guess I was at the best place for that. The doctor was an indian guy and I could barely understand a word he said. I just told him what I had been taking and how much. He left the examination room, the nurse took me back to a small room with two beds in it. He put an IV in my arm and that was it. I was basically out for about 3 days. I remember one time waking up and looking over at a phone. I got up and went over to it. I called my wife and asked her what day it was. Then I begged her to get me home. I was like they just have me all drugged up, I am awake long enough to go to the bathroom once a day. I don't understand a word anyone here says, please help me. Get me the hell out of here please. I was really scared.
Ed and another guy came to visit me once. I just remember seeing them laugh at me. They asked me some questions and I couldn't answer them and they just laughed. I told them "Get me the hell out of here". Ed just told me he would be back tomorrow to get me and I would be feeling a lot better then. Ed and a guy named Nathan showed up the next day. I had no idea what time it was or even what day it was. I was so disoriented. I never did find out what drugs they gave me, but I didn't enjoy them. One of the nursed told me but I couldn't understand her. I don't even remember eating or going to the bathroom at that hospital. Ed was a little older, maybe mid forties but Nathan was in his early twenties. He talked and acted like his brain was fried. I found out that he had been shooting up Heroin and speedballs since he was fourteen. I could barely walk so they helped me to the car. It was weird, I have never left a hospital and had no paperwork or instructions from a doctor or nurse but in this case we just walked right out of there. Ed and the staff were talking Spanish back and forth and laughing like usual and Nate was talking to me mostly as he didn't know spanish either. He did make some racist Mexican comments to me that were supposed to be funny but I was in no joking mood. I had no idea what the hell was happening to me or where I was going. It all seemed surreal. I just wanted to go home so bad. Maybe the addiction wasn't so bad. Maybe I could kick it at home by myself, right now it seemed like a pretty good option.
that is it for now
peace.